Mrs. Holly Dayspirit just loved her new home and couldn't wait for her daughter and grandkids to come over for the weekend. They would be driving down in their RV from upstate and would be staying in their 20 foot self-contained home on wheels because grandma's new one bedroom town home just didn't have the room for mom and three kids. Besides, her daughter enjoyed having an excuse to use the RV that her ex husband just had to have! The kids liked it too. Camping on wheels and being able to use the bathroom or take a nap as they trucked on down to granny's new home - - with its big community pool and playground - - was a joyful occasion.

Grandma wanted to do something special for their first visit to her new home. Out came the ribbons for the front plantings and entry porch post. A big homemade sign in the street side mulch bed roared WELCOME in the glistening reflective letters she picked up special from the arts and craft store. The next day, Holly cleaned house and baked a pie in preparation for their arrival. Later that afternoon, the violation letter came from her homeowners association. It stated that decorations of any kind were not permitted on the common areas or elements and that said decorations must be removed within 24 hours of receipt of the letter or else they would be removed and stored at her expense. Mrs. Dayspirit remembered getting a community handbook amidst the mountain of paper work she had received at the escrow closing. She made a mental note to get that handbook out and read it in the near future as she begrudgingly took down the decorations that she had worked so diligently to put up. She wanted to be a good neighbor in her new community, and wondered why one of her neighbors hadn't told her about the decorations rule while she spent 3 hours in the yard putting them up the day before.

The big day was finally here! Holly put last minute touches on her home as she eagerly awaited the arrival of her daughter and grandkids. Her family finally pulled into the common parking area out front right on time at about Noon. They enjoyed a delicious lunch prepared by Granny. They all looked forward to an afternoon at the pool: the kids frolicking in the expansive pool while mom and grandma caught up on things. After they were there for about an hour, a man in a polo shirt with Stringent Management Company on the front introduced himself as the manager of the community. "Are you aware of the pool rules?" he asked. "Did you read them? They are posted right over by the bathrooms." He barked. “Did you get a handbook? The rules are in there as well." After Mrs. Dayspirit timidly answered no to all of those questions, she was informed that residents were only allowed two guests at the pool and that kids' pool toys weren't allowed either. She and her family were asked to collect the offending inflatibles and gather up their youngsters and move on. They hung their heads as they trudged back to granny's, arms overburdened with pool toys and tugged by kids' yanking hands. Bewildered cries of "we want to go back to the pool, why can't we stay at the pool?" narrated their journey.

When they arrived at granny's, they saw a big orange sticker on the windshield of the RV. Upon closer examination, it became apparent that they had broken yet another rule: "RVs are not permitted in the community at anytime, except in an enclosed garage. Violators will be immediately towed at their expense." The ticket was stern, and it was signed by the property manager, the man they had just encountered at the pool! Mrs. Dayspirit couldn't imagine being able to get her daughter's RV into any of the garages on the property. Besides, her particular home didn't even come with a garage!

After the shock wore off, the daughter and grandchildren packed up their toys, overnight bags, grandma's pies and then said all of their good- byes to granny. "Perhaps it is best for you to come visit us up north sometime soon Mom.” was all the daughter could muster as she slid in behind the wheel. Mrs. Dayspirit went back to her unit with tears streaming down her cheeks; she took her time as she headed towards the door, looking for a sign of a neighbor that could help her understand what had just happened. No one appeared, not even from around the corner of a pulled back curtain. She was amazed at the clean, uniform, and sterile look her community possessed. Her impression when she looked at this unit for the first time was "gosh, this community is well maintained”. Now it felt like a prison, not a place to call home. She went inside and called her realtor. Perhaps she should have stayed in her single family home after her husband passed away. She could have hired someone to cut the grass. She stayed in her unit for the rest of the day, reading the handbook from cover to cover. She wanted to make sure she wouldn't break another rule only to be embarrassed again in her new home. She never thought of herself as a problem to society, heck, she’d never even had a speeding ticket! Today, she was responsible for breaking numerous rules of her HOA. Welcome to the neighborhood!

I have been involved in HOA management for over 16 years. I know the importance of rules and their enforcement. But, what I see time and time again is the lack of compassion, understanding and reasonable flexibility in their application to the residents. The community becomes bogged down with the desire to enforce the rules to the letter, at all costs, no exceptions. Often, this is driven by an overzealous board or committee, or a homeowner or two that are hung up on the rules . . . or even a manager who feels the need to have overbearing control over "their community". I know I have been guilty of being one of those managers in the past. The results are a “tattle tale state” where one neighbor is pitted against the other. The overall attitude of the community becomes negative and defensive. The residents retreat indoors, not wanting to be involved with the welfare of their neighbors, much less their community. As the feeling of community dies, apathy reigns.

I wrote this article to make a point. As I get older, and hopefully, a little wiser, I have come to realize that boards, committees and managers should examine each alleged violation before cranking out a form letter. Some leniency may be in order: perhaps a phone call about the decorations, perhaps a request to limit the pool guests upon their next visit to the pool, perhaps allowing the RV to stay overnight, just for this one instance. Boards may not like it, owners may not like it, and managers may not like it, but we must exercise compassion, understanding and empathy when enforcing rules and regulations. We must consider the situation and be accommodating to our residents whenever possible. After all, they are the community and our best asset in creating rules compliance and harmonious community living! My advice is simply to do your part to understand the big picture instead of getting bogged down in each infraction. A more compassionate attitude can put the joy back into living and interacting in your HOA, making it a genuine community, a neighborhood and a place to call home.