Manager Musings...
Did I say that?

During a board meeting I like to position myself so that I’m able to make eye contact with all the board members, so instead of sitting shoulder to shoulder, sandwiched between board members, I will generally sit at the end of the table, off to the side. This allows me to see all the board members and actually read their body language. It also allows me to send the board members non-verbal communications without the audience noticing.

I learned the importance of body language at just such a board meeting many years ago. I was in my usual position politely listening to a homeowner who, during the open session, was aggressively over-exaggerating his maintenance situation (my opinion, of course, due to his body language). At one point I turned to look at the board members to gauge their reaction to his tirade, and I rolled my eyes. To my amazement this simple movement on my part set off a chain reaction similar to a “wave” that you would see in a football stadium. Each board member, almost in unison, rolled their eyes. I was horrified! So was the homeowner. Our aggressive over exaggerator didn’t miss this non-verbal communication indicating that the board clearly didn’t believe what he was saying. He actually stopped in mid sentence and called the board out on their “eye rolling” and frankly used some pretty defensive body language of his own as he stood there, arms crossed, feet spread, demanding an apology.

Although this particular session ended on a positive note, partially due to the fact that I was the only one who realized I had set off the chain reaction (whew!), it did cause me to immediately delve into the world of non-verbal communication literature so that I would never make this mistake again. Through that review of information, one of the first things I learned is that when others are in agreement with you, they will mimic your body movements – hence, “the stadium-effect wave of eye rolling.”

So what are you really saying during a board meeting?

• Arms crossed, stern facial expression, direct eye contact/stare = “Say whatever you want, I’m busy formulating my answer, so I’m missing most of your points anyway. I’m not going to make this easy for you, plus I don’t like you.”
  
  
• Fidgeting with your pen, scanning the room = “I’m missing Monday night football, I’m missing Monday night football, I’m missing Monday night football.”
  
  
• Hands on hips = “Bring it on! That’s right – bring it on.”
  
  
• Tongue in cheek = “My turn, come on – come on, hurry up – finish, I have my answer and I can’t wait to lay it on you.”
  
  
• Hand flipping back and forth = “I’m finished, you should be too.”
  
  
• Leaning back, legs outstretched and crossed, arms folded and head down = “As usual, our board president has lost control of this meeting and I should have brought my sleeping bag.”

Seriously, our bodies send out messages constantly and often we're communicating a lot more than we realize. You can use body language to detect truth and lies, to portray confidence, and command respect in any situation. You can use body language to put people at ease, make friends instantly, or persuade and influence others.

Some studies have shown as much as ninety-three percent of our communication is non-verbal. Of that ninety-three percent, fifty-five percent is non-verbal communication through facial expressions and gestures; only thirty-eight percent is through vocal tone, which means that only seven percent of what we perceive is through the actual words being said.

So the next time you are drumming your fingers, giving the “thumbs up,” forming a tense mouth, nodding your head, slouching, clenching your fist, pursing your lips, hunching, rolling your eyes, or crossing your arms or legs, remember the old saying: It’s not what you say, but how you say it. And it’s very much how “they” see it.

Kim Merrigan, CMCA®, AMS®, PCAM®
Vice President
Vanguard Community Management
Schaumburg, IL